Douche Bag Indicators (DBI)

Douche Bag Indicators (DBI), in no particular order

1. Excessive use of the words bro, dude or if the late 80’s homie when referring to any male. This goes double after the age of 35
2. Use of any “Air and Finger” weaponry.
3. Mentioning in their first conversation with someone,
1. “their friend’s yacht or Paris Pied-a-Tier”
2. “their black friend”
3. “their gay friend”
4. “their gay black friend”
4. Having more than one polo shirt on at a time
5. Insisting that everybody, including the guy at the end of the bar he doesn’t know, has a shot of Jägermeister, for no apparent reason.
6. Screaming Yeah! And Hi Fiving everyone with excessive enthusiasm,
1. At the end of the Jägermeister shot
2. Ever
7. The only person who you can hear laughing in a room full of people laughing.
8. Wearing a cravat without being French and it being a Tuesday.
9. Wearing Shades in a nightclub, unless
1. You’re famous
2. You’re Italian
3. You’re Japanese
4. You’re Black
10. Excessive Use of Latin abbreviations, quotations etc, that is not to say, never using them per se but when used in an ad hoc manner vis-à-vis making no sense what so ever.
11. Use of Air quotes when saying anything, allegedly controversial.
12. Considering oneself a foreign policy expert because they
1. have watched all 7 seasons of 24
2. have travelled to “Africa” in their “gap” year from college, while changing major
3. know someone from another country who gave them the complete lowdown.