A Critique of Ashbird Seat and Other Management Tips

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit on my ass like you and do thing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested. All of
a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting on your ass and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my manure droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of manure, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons:

1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

(Buzz) Word of the week - ASHBIRD SEAT

ASHBIRD SEAT

\ASH-berd-SEET\ . noun

The phrase is said to have its origins from the habit of the catbird of sitting on the highest point it can find to deliver its song, thus suggesting an effortless superiority.

1. To assume a position of some prominance, responsibility or advantage… and then completely abuse with clinical condescension, ego stroking and lots of pointing and laughing at other people for no reason.

Word Of The Week - Deepiphany

dee·piph·a·ny
n. pl. dee·piph·a·nies

1. A sudden manifestation of the deep essence or deep meaning of something. "Deep was, in fact, right all along"
2. A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: “I experienced an epiphany, arguing with Deep is like banging your head against a wall, it's fun at first but ultimately going to end in failure”

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off these bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom (or tent) at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

New Blog

I have started transferring all my old posts from my self hosted blog to blogger.com, as you might have noticed I haven't posted anything for a while, mainly because I haven't been able to get the spam problem under control.

So you will the old posts from the site here. Apologies to those of you who have read them before.

Word of the Week - Deepbrief

deep·brief
tr.v. deep·briefed, deep·brief·ing, deep·briefs

1. Post activity lecture, by Deep, on how you can do it better next time
2. To have ones underwear taken off by Deep
3. When Deep takes off his underwear

JAT-LAG PANDEMIC CRIPPLES COMMUNITY

London, UK: Doctors have finally acknowledged that JAT-LAG is a medical condition and should be treated as such. Dr. Singh, a respected surgeon at West Middlesex Teaching Hospital, said in a statement earlier today, “this is a very important step in the fight against JAT-LAG, acknowledging the problem is half the cure”, adding “also this should mean funding will be made available to help treat this debilitating condition.”

Jat-Lag like Jet-Lag, occurs when moving from one place to another, however where jet-lag effects the body clock, jat-lag has the same effect on ideas. Unfortunately, Jat-lag lasts much longer, some make others suffer for decades and eventually die with the condition.

Sufferers display a wide variety of symptoms, which often include

• Annoying Superiority Complexes
• Romanticizing Punjabi Rural Lifestyles
• Rewriting history and religion, to include the exploits of Jat-Lag Sufferers
• Applying rules that are completely irrelevant in today world, in the name of “preservation of culture”
• Farm Geographic Transmigration Syndrome (FGTS), sufferers think they are on a farm

Although Jat-Lag was downwardly restrictive in the past, it has now mutated to include geography, from country down to the village level, any variation in caste, fairness of skin or occupation.

Younger sufferers often display signs of denial, comments like “I don’t have Jat-Lag, my parents do, but I don’t want to upset them, they’ve done so much for me, so I pretend everything is okay” or “well actually we are different from you my dad said” are common.

Jat-lag is often hereditary, British Born Confused Punjabi’s (BBCP) and American Born Confused Desi’s (ABCD) are two groups that have a very tough time reconciling Jat-Lag with the world they live in. Younger members of the two groups though seemed to be developing some kind of resistance.

Jat-Lag is normally not contagious, unless you are incredibly stupid, or lack any ideas of your own.

The Mayor of London is starting the Balle Balle Fund For The Eradication Of Jat-Lag, BBFFTEOJ, for short. This fund will coordinate and support, research in Anti-Jat-Lag treatment and training.