The Ant and Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE MODERN BRITISH VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate and working class grasshoppers like him are cold and starving.

BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table filled with food. The term Fat Cat is used a lot. Britons are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Big Issue, the NUS and Oxfam demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The BBC, interrupting a Chav Cultural Symposium special from Mile End with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."

Gordon Brown rants in an interview with Jeremey Paxman that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and says he will call for an immediate tax hike, which he refers to as a redistribution, on the ant and all 'like him' to make him pay his "fair share."

In response to polls, the Labour Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant's taxes are reassessed and he is handed a new bill. Also the Grasshopper sues the Ant for failing to hire grasshoppers as help, the CRE has promised to pay for the case. In a statement they accuse Ants of being 'Institutionally Racist'. The grasshopper receives Full Legal Aid, paid for by the Ants previous taxes. The ant cannot get Legal aid as he had some savings and investments for his retirement.

Without enough money to pay his retroactive taxes and fight the discrimination case, the government repossesses his home.

The ant moves to the US, starts a successful agribiz company.

The BBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food though Spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hadn't maintained it.

Inadequate government funding is blamed, Lord Falconer is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost £10,000,000.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Sun blames it on obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from the endemic class system. The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the Commission for Racial Equality for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, who promptly terrorize the community and start claming benefit.